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(as) awkward as a cow on a crutch

Very clumsy or uncoordinated. When my toddler was first learning to walk, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. He'll never make the basketball team—he's as awkward as a cow on a crutch.
See also: awkward, cow, crutch, on

*awkward as a cow on a crutch

 and *awkward as a cow on roller skates
very clumsy or off balance. (*Also: as ~.) When Lulu was overweight, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. Tom will never be a gymnast. He's as awkward as a cow on roller skates!
See also: awkward, cow, crutch, on

*funny as a crutch

not funny at all. (Sarcastic. *Also: as ~.) Your trick is about as funny as a crutch. Nobody thought it was funny. The lame joke Ron told was as funny as a crutch, and we all yawned.
See also: crutch, funny


1. n. a car. (Streets.) That’s one fine crutch you got here, Bud.
2. n. a device to hold a marijuana cigarette butt. Here’s a crutch so you can finish your smoke.


n. a police car. (see also crutch = car.) Hey, bro, there’s a p-crutch behind you.
References in periodicals archive ?
User satisfaction describes the user's subjective feeling of the ptosis crutches usefulness.
It is most imperative to guide regarding use of crutches conforming to standard specifications as well as direction for proper crutch use as lack of any of the above may result in excess force over the axilla resulting in nerve injuries.
Perht haps, the crutches are not the reason people are not interested in her.
Kristen was nervous about her crutches so having her friends around playing music was just what she needed," Danilo said.
On this most incriminating occasion, Martin in fact walked out of the office to her car, where she tossed the crutches in the back seat, drove to a gas station, slipped on high heels, and then proceeded to a nearby public park.
I hit them a couple times with my crutches," he added.
She spent the following days on crutches and her dream of performing at the Darlington competition looked bleak.
Detectives believe Dale Lent, 27, has his right ankle in plaster, needs crutches and is being sheltered by someone in South Wales.
Crutches are typically used to increase stability and balance, to eliminate or reduce the weight imposed on the limbs, or to compensate for a loss of muscle power.
A force spokesman said: "The boy, who was using crutches, hit the man to the ground before making his way home.
The crutches have disappeared in the last four years after being given to A&E patients at Aintree Hospital.
But when he could not catch up, he hurled one of his crutches at the warden, Perth Sheriff Court heard.
His QC, Ronald Thwaites, told Mr Justice Eady that the newspaper reported that, despite being in recovery from an ankle operation as a result of which he was on crutches, he had "gone on a bender" in Los Angeles.
In October 2009, disabled individuals of the Kyrgyz Republic will receive new 500 wheelchairs, 160 walkers and 50 pairs of crutches valued at $32,186.
THE crutches amnesty at University Hospital, Walsgrave is marching onwards after recovering more than 150 "lost" walking aids.