crutch

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(as) awkward as a cow on a crutch

Very clumsy or uncoordinated. When my toddler was first learning to walk, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. He'll never make the basketball team—he's as awkward as a cow on a crutch.

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(as) funny as a crutch

Not funny or amusing at all. Yeah, cancer is about as funny as a crutch, huh?

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*awkward as a cow on a crutch

 and *awkward as a cow on roller skates

very clumsy or off balance. (*Also: as ~.) When Lulu was overweight, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. Tom will never be a gymnast. He's as awkward as a cow on roller skates!

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*funny as a crutch

not funny at all. (Sarcastic. *Also: as ~.) Your trick is about as funny as a crutch. Nobody thought it was funny. The lame joke Ron told was as funny as a crutch, and we all yawned.

See also: crutch, funny

crutch

1. n. a car. (Streets.) That’s one fine crutch you got here, Bud.

2. n. a device to hold a marijuana cigarette butt. Here’s a crutch so you can finish your smoke.

p-crutch

n. a police car. (see also crutch = car.) Hey, bro, there’s a p-crutch behind you.