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wooden mare

An ancient torture device involving a wooden horse, typically used for military punishments. I was so terrified of what my parents would do when they found out I'd failed my exam that I had visions of them making me ride the wooden mare.
See also: mare, wooden

wooden spoonist

slang The person or team that finishes last in a competition. So-named because the imaginary prize for a last-place finish is a wooden spoon. Primarily heard in UK. Of course Roy was the wooden-spoonist in today's race—I didn't know a person could run so slow!
See also: wooden

wooden top

A beet-shaped wooden toy that spins on a metal point at the bottom. What are you kids complaining about? When I was your age, I only had a wooden top to play with!
See also: top, wooden

Don't take any wooden nickels.

  (American informal)
something that you say when someone leaves, to tell them to be careful and to take good care of themselves Hey guys - have a good trip, and don't take any wooden nickels.
See also: any, nickel, take, wooden

the wooden spoon

  (British & Australian)
an imaginary prize given to the person who finishes last in a race or competition For the second year running Ireland took the wooden spoon in the Rugby tournament.
See also: spoon, wooden

Don't take any wooden nickels

Don't let yourself be cheated. This expression was first heard in the early 20th century. Although there never were any wooden nickels as legal tender, country folk going to a city were likely to be cheated by all manner of ruses, including obviously counterfeit coins. Wooden nickels did exist, however, as bank promotions during and after the Great Depression; the “coins” were redeemable for prizes.
See also: any, nickel, take, wooden
References in periodicals archive ?
Well done, Currys and [ad agency] M&C Saatchi, for making one of the most excruciating celeb appearances even worse by the addition of His Woodenness, David Seaman.
The prescribed choreography added a warm glow to the whole production, however, it would have been nice to see more consistency in this department, as the lacklustre opening number, Tradition, left a lingering impression of woodenness among the chorus.
Gore's self-deprecating humor and reputation for woodenness notwithstanding, ABC, CBS and NBC combined for a 13.
I'm expecting him to lay into Bloom, as any right-thinking citizen would, for his sheer woodenness of personality, as evinced by this latest inoffensive titbit.
He wanted it to be blocky, the woodenness emphatic,'' Courtier said.
Though the effects were universally admired there was heavy criticism about the woodenness of the acting, the clumsiness of the dialogue, the dullness of the story line, and the creation of a character more annoying than a bedroom full of hungry mosquitos - Jar Jar Binks.
As an actor, director and choreographer, Kelly took the starch out of Hollywood musicals, which until the 1940s had been dominated by Fred Astaire's elegance and Nelson Eddy's woodenness.
Isabelle's impressive lead performance exposes the woodenness of the supporting cast but the script is solid throughout and the tone remains deliciously dark and demented.
Kidman is in teeth-gnashingly terrible form here with endless close-ups only serving to highlight her woodenness.
The film tries to use his woodenness as an actor, even making reference to it -- "Try it again, a little less wooden," says his lawyer while he's being prepped -- but he's in almost every scene, and it starts to get tedious; Gone Girl cries out for the quicksilver charisma Jesse Eisenberg brought to Mark Zuckerberg in Fincher's The Social Network.
Radcliffe allows some of the woodenness of his Hogwarts years to creep into his portrayal of a medical school dropout, who stumbles upon love when he least expects it.
Lugering understands Stanislavski as primarily a physical teacher, and offers a training method of practical alternatives to avoid the woodenness that can come with "thinking through" roles, and the narcissism that can come with "feeling through" them.
That woodenness in front of the camera is glaringly apparent in The Cold Light Of Day, a pedestrian spy thriller that casts itself in the mould of The Bourne Identity but falls pitifully short on every count.
When comparing all three rivers in central Lithuania, the Mituva river distinguishes with its highest woodenness and lowest swampiness (Table 1).