toady

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If frogs had wheels, they wouldn't bump their butts,

 and If a toady frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass.
Rur. It is useless to wish for impossible things. (Use caution with ass.) Tom: If I had two hundred thousand dollars, I could buy that farm. Jane: Yeah, and if frogs had wheels, they wouldn't bump their butts. Charlie: If I were rich and famous, I'd make people listen to me. Bill: If a toady frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass.
See also: bump, butt, frog, if

toady (up) to someone

to fawn over someone; to try to flatter and impress someone. Carl is always toadying up to people. He has never toadied to me!
See also: toady
References in periodicals archive ?
Ever the military strategist, Napoleon spends his time outmaneuvering his jailers and the toadies that followed him into exile hoping for a piece of his fortune when he kicks off.
I feared that reason's March cover story would be a fawning piece on Rand by one of her Kool-Aid-drinking toadies.
Many present-day MPs are toadies to Blair and they are there only to personally enrich themselves and glory in the title MP.
It toadies to the powers that be and plays to the peanut gallery; broadcasts our dirty secrets but never lets us in on its own.
There may be occasions when the party in power is tempted to give its own toadies undeserved gongs.
It was this revelation which fuelled an already raging fire and which proves beyond doubt that it isn't the Windsors' sexual habits which will destroy the monarchy but those useless, treacherous toadies who become their advisers and then shop them at the first chance.
To the surprise of no one who follows the Middle East saga, the apologists and their political toadies are now trying to extinguish free speech in silencing the Father of the House of Commons, Tam Dalyell, MP - who, with his usual clarity of mind, identified the perpetrators of the pre-emptive strike against Iraq.
Conference of Catholic Bishops had been packed with papal toadies, it issued an important pastoral letter dealing with the economics of inequality.
She said that some people have become toadies l of Indian and Jewish lobby and were playing in their hands.
Chaudhry Pervez said that all Shahbaz Sharif could ever muster was a couple of purchased toadies, who would be taken to task and exposed to masses, in accordance with article 63-A of Constitution.
Nowadays, the dreadful elf 'n' safety toadies decree that kids can't even hold a lit candle in a Christmas assembly.
The awful Gest, who appeared in ITV's Grease is the Word and a down-market spot late on Sunday night, surrounds himself with toadies who applaud his every action, thus encouraging him to greater excesses.
His toadies aren't going to tell him this though - they've hitched their wagon to his star and have no future without him in office.
Rush Limbaugh isn't around to inform viewers that the media are toadies for Donovan McNabb.
Let the likes of Portillo, Clarke and Heseltine cling on to their self interests and together with their toadies, cross the floor and join Tony Blair.