crutch

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(as) awkward as a cow on a crutch

Very clumsy or uncoordinated. When my toddler was first learning to walk, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. He'll never make the basketball team—he's as awkward as a cow on a crutch.
See also: awkward, cow, crutch, on

*awkward as a cow on a crutch

 and *awkward as a cow on roller skates
very clumsy or off balance. (*Also: as ~.) When Lulu was overweight, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. Tom will never be a gymnast. He's as awkward as a cow on roller skates!
See also: awkward, cow, crutch, on

*funny as a crutch

not funny at all. (Sarcastic. *Also: as ~.) Your trick is about as funny as a crutch. Nobody thought it was funny. The lame joke Ron told was as funny as a crutch, and we all yawned.
See also: crutch, funny

crutch

1. n. a car. (Streets.) That’s one fine crutch you got here, Bud.
2. n. a device to hold a marijuana cigarette butt. Here’s a crutch so you can finish your smoke.

p-crutch

n. a police car. (see also crutch = car.) Hey, bro, there’s a p-crutch behind you.
References in periodicals archive ?
Out of the 50 pairs of crutches given out each month, less than one third are returned, which was not enough to cope with the number of patients needing them, she added.
Shannon delivered a final provocative line as he walked offstage, unaided by his crutches.
I used crutches when I first started playing but there were problems with that, " the Kirkdale-born player explained.
6 Don't think of wheelchairs or crutches as exclusively associated with hospitals or illness.
Visitors can create a personalized, secure "My Account" area, view videos about problems associated with the use of traditional crutches, and customize their order on the fly.
North Tees and Hartlepool NHS Foundation Trust lends about 5,000 pairs of crutches out each year and the situation has become critical, particularly at the University Hospital of North Tees in Stockton where supplies have all but run out.
But Mac is thrilled leaders Wolves are upwardly mobile after just three defeats this term, adding: "It is frustrating being on crutches but I could have got up and walked after last week's win over Burnley.
I will be on crutches for six weeks and it is driving me mad.
A Warwickshire police spokeswoman said: "He was on crutches, so the female driver, believing that this was her fare, got out of the vehicle to help him into the cab.
Strachan, who is aiming to complete a league and cup double, said: "I have not tried to walk without the crutches yet because I am not meant to be weight-bearing for another three or four weeks.
I yelled at him, told him to let them in and threatened to break my crutches over his head.
He can now walk around with crutches on "He can now walk around with crutches on the flat of his feet and the doctors said a year after the operation it is anticipated he will be able to walk indoors with crutches on his own," said Franca.
East Lancashire Hospitals NHS Trust, which covers Blackburn, says it is cheaper to buy new crutches than to get them repaired and cleaned.
The North Tees and Hartlepool NHS Foundation Trust lends about 5,000 pairs of crutches out each year and as a pair of crutches costs around PS25, the total cost to the trust every year can be around PS125,000 if they are not returned.
As the injury and the surgery site heal, patients hobble about on crutches or push themselves around on a knee scooter.