January

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slower than molasses in January

Exceptionally slow or sluggish; not fast at all. This old laptop my dad gave me is a piece of junk. It's slower than molasses in January! Come on, Becky, you're slower than molasses in January back there! Pick up the pace and keep up with the group.
See also: January, molasses, slower

It'll be a long day in January (when something happens).

Rur. Something will never happen. (There are fewer hours of daylight in January.) Tom: Maybe this will be the year that Mama treats herself to a nice vacation. Jane: Are you kidding? It'll be a long day in January when she does that! It'll be a long day in January when that car dealer gives an honest price.
See also: January, long

*slow as molasses in January

 and slower than molasses in January
very slow-moving. (*Also: as ~.) Can't you get dressed any faster? I declare, you're as slow as molasses in January. The traffic on the way to the concert was slower than molasses in January.
See also: January, molasses, slow
References in classic literature ?
To-day is 4th January, and in five days the moon will be full.
I have spent the whole day," said he, "over Lloyd's registers and files of the old papers, following the future career of every vessel which touched at Pondicherry in January and February in
Lone Star' was there in January, '85, my suspicion became a certainty.
What put the "whole population of Paris in commotion," as Jehan de Troyes expresses it, on the sixth of January, was the double solemnity, united from time immemorial, of the Epiphany and the Feast of Fools.
It must be stated, in honor of the good sense of the loungers of Paris, that the greater part of this crowd directed their steps towards the bonfire, which was quite in season, or towards the mystery play, which was to be presented in the grand hall of the Palais de Justice (the courts of law), which was well roofed and walled; and that the curious left the poor, scantily flowered maypole to shiver all alone beneath the sky of January, in the cemetery of the Chapel of Braque.
So the countess remained in the country, and the count, taking Sonya and Natasha with him, went to Moscow at the end of January.
On the 12th of January, 1893, I was seventeen, and the 20th of January I signed before the shipping commissioner the articles of the Sophie Sutherland, a three topmast sealing schooner bound on a voyage to the coast of Japan.
This depth was doubled in December, and trebled in January.
For four days, from the 5th to the 9th of January, the trains were stopped as they are on Sundays on the railways of the United States, and every road was open.
January 29th, being at anchor under Cape Gregory: a very hard gale from W.
Vacation begins on the first of January and ends on the last day of December.
On the 15th of January, that is to say, two months and a half after the tragic events I have narrated, the "Epoque" printed, as the first column of the front page, the following sensational article: "The Seine-et-Oise jury is summoned to-day to give its verdict on one of the most mysterious affairs in the annals of crime.