January

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slower than molasses in January

Exceptionally slow or sluggish; not fast at all. This old laptop my dad gave me is a piece of junk. It's slower than molasses in January! Come on, Becky, you're slower than molasses in January back there! Pick up the pace and keep up with the group.
See also: January, molasses, slower

(as) cold as a welldigger's ass (in January)

rude slang Very cold. I am so sick of being cold as a welldigger's ass all winter long—that's why I'm moving to Florida.
See also: ass, cold

(as) slow as molasses in January

Exceptionally slow or sluggish; not fast at all. (The addition of "January," which is among the coldest months in the Northern Hemisphere, serves to intensify the meaning, as molasses is especially viscous in the cold. This old laptop my dad gave me takes forever booting up, and then it's as slow as molasses in January the whole time I use it! Come on, Becky, you're slow as molasses in January back there! Pick up the pace and keep up with the group.
See also: January, molasses, slow

It'll be a long day in January (when something happens).

Rur. Something will never happen. (There are fewer hours of daylight in January.) Tom: Maybe this will be the year that Mama treats herself to a nice vacation. Jane: Are you kidding? It'll be a long day in January when she does that! It'll be a long day in January when that car dealer gives an honest price.
See also: January, long

*slow as molasses in January

 and slower than molasses in January
very slow-moving. (*Also: as ~.) Can't you get dressed any faster? I declare, you're as slow as molasses in January. The traffic on the way to the concert was slower than molasses in January.
See also: January, molasses, slow